Sunday, June 19, 2005

Security blanket to look forward to

I'm putting on some weight because I'm working so much and not working out.  Also, I'm eating crap because I haven't settled into the move to give myself a consistent kitchen base from which to create healthy meals. It's got me a little worried but there's not much I can do right now.  I'm trying to take yoga but the schedules for that are pretty erratic.   Overall, I guess I'm not real happy with my life right now a lot of the time, but I have a plan and that's something.  I've been missing a plan for awhile and it's a little like losing your security blanket.  After Barterfaire, which is in early October, I'll move in with my brother Daniel and continue living this bohemian lifestyle for awhile in the city while I apply to U of C grad school. That's more than enough of a plan for me and I think it's a good one.  My brother wrote me a letter recently.   He's also very proactive about making sure that we'll live together.  That makes me feel good.  I'm pretty homesick right now.   I had a craving for my mother's mashed potatoes and hamburger gravy two nights ago.  It's funny because that's a very fall/winter food and in Illinois is steaming hot.  However, here it's a pretty consistent 75 degrees.  That, at least, rocks.

I want to amend the "I'm not very happy most of the time" statement. It's only partially true. In reality, most (as in more than half) of the time I'm very content. The ocean is always in sight, the mountains are gorgeous, the community is near perfect. The minutes of the day and the mundane interactions are beautiful. I just don't fit here anymore. So, I'm sad and a little frustrated when I stop to think about it. However, I'm so busy that I don't often stop to think about it so it's not even close to as bad as this post makes it seem.

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