Thursday, March 10, 2005

Nail it to the courthouse door

A few months ago, a friend of mine sent out an email entitled, "The Southern Freezer" to her friends and family. She has recently moved to Ringgold, Georgia and was amused by the types of food she found at the grocer store that she had not experienced in her Midwestern shopping history. In it she noted things like: okra, both cut and battered and just cut, turnip greens with and without turnip chunks, crowder peas, speackled butter beans and just plain butter beans. This sampling of small things was a good representation of her entire Southern experience.

I was looking at one of the community bulletin boards recently and realized that, like the Southern freezer, this bulletin board was a sampling of small things that were a good representation of the Pacific Northwest island experience. So, I figured that I'd share some of the postings, both mundane and ridiculous to get a different perspective of this world.

-A computer-designed flyer announcing, "Friends of Craig Zaffaroni - sign a get-well card for Craig and eat tamales. Food, drink and donations welcome." [All major medical procedures take place on the mainland so expense is incurred getting and staying there in addition to the procedures. This kind of fund-raising is pretty common.]
- "For Sale: Sold house, need to move: Bowflex, sofa, desk, White canopy full bedroom set, mission style queen waterbed set." All of these had prices attached and then the "tile art" was offered for $3,500.00.
- Hand-letter, color-copied flyer stating, "Odd jobs wanted" and the phone number. Elsewhere on the board is the same design and the same number stating, "House-cleaning, will do windows."
- A fancy flyer with the picture of a middle-aged woman with a dramatic streak of grey in her long dark hair with a kindly, natural face. It says, "Give the gift of possibilities and expect miracles in 2005, Feng Shui consultant, gift certificates available."
- Right next to this is a different flyer, with a different, less dramatic picture of the same woman. It advertises pet sitting and signs off as "Annie Allen, M.A." [Like her Master's Degree makes her more qualified to clean up your dog's messes.]
- General notice advertising, "Islands Massage."
- Quarter-sheet flyer with lots of small writing: "Wild Rose, Ltd.; Body and Energy Work; Life is energy - Energy becomes matter - Matter transforms into energy - Peace harmonizes this union in health; The Life matrixes are: the Physical, the whole human field of Feeling and Emotions, the Mind, the body's home in spirit: the Heart, the Auric rhythms and patterns; All that we are can synergize to health through the help of these peaceful modalities:" [This is followed by a list of services; my hand was getting tired so I didn't wirte them down.]
- Wedding dress for sale.
- Easy Rider Dolphin, kayak for sale with ink jet digital picture
- "Odd jobs needed. Ask for Marvy." Hand-written on notebook paper.
- Study the art of Middle Eastern Dance - Oddfellows Hall - Monday Nights
- On a professionally printed notecard: "Calendars from original art - call Salim - Sale!" No examples of the original art.
- Mei-Lan's Oriental Kitchen - Open weekend in February at the Oddfellows Hall
- "Professional dog grooming and cats too! Since 1966. Black Bowser Boutique. If your pet isn't becoming to you - he should be coming to us."
- For sale: couch (very nice & cushiony) $200 - Recliner $25 - 2 coffee tables - 1 book case - small futon frame - 1 desk - 1 file cabinet - 1 microwave (almost new) - lots of kitchen stuff
- Orcas High School Sailing Club - Lasagna Dinner Auction - John Clancy, auctioneer [local celebrity] and special music by the Olga Symphony
- Voice Play - Explore the power of your own voice through: toning and breath, voice play, gentle movement, energy flow
- Smith and Speed store hours [a local gardening shop]
- Printed with a dot-matrix printer with an image of a dove: "Aura readings and healings - The electromagnetic weavings around the body have many functions: the interconnections between the earth's magnetic field and the ionosphere, feeding into our charkas and nerve plexi, and on into our spinal column; being a microsphere for the eternal light; aligning the spine and spinning the disks into wholeness." Skip a line then, "A reading take 15-20. Fee: $15."
- Free firewood, you fell, cut and sell.
- Forrest Yoga Workshop [picture of two young women standing back to back and smiling] Saturday - Oddfellows - $10-20 suggested donation - Indulge yourself in this two and a half hour intensely satisfying yoga practice
- Think Hovercraft
- Love Is Here To Stay! A concert to benefit Lahari's Faith-In-Action Orcas Volunteer Caregivers - Saturday - Orcas Senior Center
- The Journey to Wild Divine - Mind Modulations: Buy from a local company! - - Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Technology: A Biofeedback Adventure for Body, Mind and Spirit [I have seen this ad in magazines, too, though. It's very slick and shows an Asian man in robes sitting cross-legged and smiling a welcome. Maybe it's a pyramid scheme for New Agers.]
- The Essential Body Works - Caroline J. Scott, LMP
- Toyota Tercel '84 $650
- The Somatic Orcasites proudly present "The Sea Gypsy Benefit Concert" [For tsunami relief; a goodly amount of people here winter in southeast Asia.]
- "Sofa for sale $300 OBO [overexposed picture of IKEA-looking couch] Tan - excellent condition - must see (not a great photo)"
- 7 new, unfinished, clear fir 6-panel doors. 96" high, 3 are 30" wide, 4 are 32" wide. Cost $250 each, Sell $100 each.
- For sale [digital ink jet printer picture of each item] Firewood $175 a cord, Kokotat Meridian Dry Suit $100 OBO, Bianchi Alfana road bike - make offer, Weight bench free. [During winter, when jobs are scarce, selling possessions becomes a very real way to make the rent.]
- For sale, Sears Kenmore Washer/Dryer combo, Barely used (vacation house) runs on 220 electricity
- "For sale, 4-drawer metal file cabinet - fine condition $45" Then, with little red hand-written letters smashed in space left by the computer formatting: "4 16" rims to fit Chevrolet $50"
- Free trailer. Ready to roll. You haul. Comes with fridge, stove and hot water heater.
- A beautifully color computer designed flyer proclaiming, "Family storytime with our new children's librarian!" [Since she is imported from off-island, it's obvious that the fancy computer skills belong to her.]

Well, there you have it. I tried to give a fairly accurate cross-section of an specific area so that the ratio of "for sale" to "mysticism for sale" would be true. Just another little slice of Orcas Island.

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