Amends

On Thursday night, I was a Woman Behaving Badly. (I determined that Banana Republic doesn't even have a maternity line.) I was exorcising some demons and, basically, made a scene. I had a great time doing it and you should ask me about it sometime if you want a great story.

My ex kind-of deserved it for having the audacity to tell me that he liked me enough to continue dating me but not enough to stop dating other women and I needed it because I actually agreed to that for awhile. Combined with some of the other indignities I'm facing right now, it was kind of inevitable that my feelings were going to sublimate. However, his other girlfriend did not deserve having to witness it.

If I were her, I'd be pretty pissed. And maybe a little hurt. And definitely I would have had moments of crazy-head-exploding, I-can't-take-this-anymore-someone-get-me-a-truck-to-drive-through-the-wall discomfort.

Yeah.

I didn't really think of that until the next morning.

Empathy is a bitch.

And there is really no way to apologize to her that won't seem insincere and hypocritical. Plus I don't really know her to communicate with her.

And then, to pile it on, this morning in The Spirituality of Imperfection I read:

For humility signifies, simply, the acceptance of being human, the acceptance of one's human being. It is the embrace of the both-and-ness, both saint and sinner, both beast and angel, that constitutes our very be-ing as human . . . humility involves learning how to live with and take joy in that reality.

So, now I feel bad because I did not treat someone else as I would want to be treated and I feel bad because I cannot take joy in that reality.

Yeah.

I'll go do my homework now.