Thursday, August 27, 2009

A delicate question

Let's talk about weight, shall we?

The other day I had a completely irrational moment of outrage when a friend who I don't see very often commented on a status I had posted to Facebook. It went something like this:
R. just kicked her own ass working out.
Friend: 30 day shred?

Upon reading that, the rage flared up inside of me at the idea that someone would think I was doing something so predictable as losing weight before my wedding. That would be as bad as growing out my hair to fit some sort of romance novel fantasy of myself. I mean, that's what brides do. And I'm not a regular old bride! I'm a divorcee, damnit. I know better than that!

I fully admit that there were a few personal insecurities fueling my internal response. However, I contained myself and wrote:
R. Nope, just a regular part of staying healthy.
I'm not sure if that reads as bitchy or not but in my head I wanted to add, "And I just cut my hair, too." Of course, that is bitchy.

But the thing is, I am trying to lose weight. I'm just not losing it in order to fit into a dress made for a shape other than mine.

Grad school made me pudgy and slow. Now 9/10 of my clothing no longer fits, including all of my business clothes, which are very expensive. Plus, I know from experience that when I'm 10 pounds lighter than I started the summer, I have a lot more energy. And while I'm unemployed and the weather is nice, it's the perfect time to jump-start an exercise routine.

So, I've been riding my bike every day it doesn't rain and watching my caloric intake. You know, losing weight. Like every other bride on the planet.

And I'm jealous of the blogs that I'm reading about women with healthy body images who refuse to be someone other than themselves even though the vendors and family that they talk to indicate that they should think otherwise. A. writes in her recent post:
But for all my love for wedding blogs, it is shocking and contemptible that you so rarely see overweight brides represented online, as though by our very size, we cannot possibly fit the archetype of “bride”.
Offbeat Bride directed me to Natalie's post of advice for brides that don't fit the common mold where she gets to say things like:
For some reason, I had it in my head that my wedding day would be a celebration of love and happiness between Nick and I however it seemed that foolish me had little idea of the true wedding agenda - basically some kind of reality tv show where the ugly duckling turns gorgeous siren.
She follows this great demonstration of her correct priorities with some great advice and her commentors are pretty awesome.

I can't write those kinds of posts where I give a big efyou to the WIC but I'm sure glad those women did. Check them out.


Anonymous said...

Hon, I think you can still give the "eff you"--because you are not losing weight because you can't be a "bride" otherwise. You're doing so for whatever personal reasons you don't need to justify to the world. (And I saw that facebook thing! Ha!)

I will say that I have a very stubborn streak and issues like this make me want to spite people. I.E. throughout the process, when my mother harassed me about losing weight for the wedding, my secret desire was to get as fat as I possibly could, just to mess with her. Now THAT would be unhealthy. :)

Ti Christophe said...

wait a're riding a bicycle?? wow. ;^)

PrincessMax said...

I know, right?

Thanks, A. You looked so much like you (funny thing to say for someone I've never met but it's true) in the photos that I've seen. Your mom is crazy to think you should be anyone else. (I'm glad you didn't give in to the impulse, though.)