Dented

Let's give him points for not bullshitting me.

Two weeks after our date and and after me offering two different evenings, I resolved to figure out whether he actually enjoyed our date like he said he did or if he was just being nice. I asked face to face (the others had been texts) what he was doing this week and he was kind of vague and actually got distracted from the conversation (which sometimes happens in the after-church mingle). So, after asking Jess to pray for me because I was definitely feeling a little dented (she asked if I wanted her to pray with me and I said no, that was a little too dramatic), I followed as he was headed to his motorcycle and said, "Let's finish that conversation because, honestly, it makes me a little nervous to talk to you." He kind of started to say something and the tone of his voice made me interrupt and say, "Just let me know if you're not interested and I'll stop bothering you." I know that sentence looks like I probably said it belligerently but I swear to you that I didn't; it was all very conversational and cool, with a light and slightly humorous tone. So, of course, he said he wasn't and I said that was cool, I appreciated his honestly. He said that he likes to do the chasing. I shrugged my shoulders at that because what else was I going to say? I had to be who I was and who I am doesn't know how to tell a guy I'm interested except to actually tell him. I told him that if he changed his mind, I was willing to be chased. I smiled and winked on that one. Then, I walked away.

I feel OK about this. It sucks that there are guys in the world that are turned off by whatever it is that I was doing by asking him out and I definitely dodged a paternalistic bullet with that one.

However, I really liked him and the potential for getting to know him. My heart hasn't gotten involved like that in a crush in awhile.

But I don't feel like crying and I don't feel like I will. It's just a little dent in my heart that I can probably pop out with a couple of well-placed taps of a hammer.