Well, that was certainly a week and a half.
Tuesday, April 4: In the course of a very pleasant afternoon with a friend that I hadn't seen since I was married, I learned that Dennis is getting married. Again. To her. Went to see V for Vendetta as a previously planned piece of coincidence.
Wednesday, April 5: Found work to keep myself busy in the warehouse most of the day, opening boxes and putting things on shelves. Had comfortable dinner at my friend Jen's house where her baby cuddled me and she pronounced all of the portents of doom and statements on their mutual dysfunction that I couldn't say to his friend the day before.
Friday, April 7: Attended the prospective student day for grad school. As I listened to very successful-looking upper-middle class people of my age talk about how many of these prospective days they were attending around the country, I took a deep breath, scrubbed my hands on my jeans, looked them in the eye and explained that I was really pretty much between deciding between grad school or not. It got to be kind of fun to see their responses. I was starting to get a little nervous that I just wasn't Type-A enough to cut it in the program but then I was reassured that the program had a 98%-100% graduation rate and that those 1 or 2 people a year that dropped from the program did not drop out because they couldn't cut it academically. The program has a HUGE emphasis on quantitative quantitative quantitative and I tend to be a little more subjective in the way I process the world. But it seems like they know what they're doing when the choose people for admission.
Sunday, April 9: Sang in church for the first time. I was amazed at just how fun that was. It was kind of cool because I know next to no one in the congregation (my choice) so I could just pretend like they weren't there and sing. Then, I went out to Game Day and got to play a variety of cool board games. I also asked my friend who still sees Dennis to add the word "again" every time someone said the phrase, "Dennis is getting married." He laughed at the idea, then looked inside himself and laughed harder. I had totally couched the suggestion in a way that he could tell me he was uncomfortable without losing any face at all, so it made me feel much better that he liked it. I have lots of good fantasies now about different situations in which the word, "again" is plied perfectly. He may never actually do it, but at least I can have my day dreams.
Monday, April 10: Was told by my colleagues at headquarters that I was the best person in my position that they have ever worked with. They said that my personality was perfect for the job and that I was "aggressive in a good way." Ha HA. After meeting with my counselor, discarded my other revenge fantasies (although many of them made him laugh) and resolved in the car on the way to dinner with my mother that I would go to small claims to get the money that I had been hoping Dennis would decide to pay me of his own volition because I wanted him to acknowledge in some tiny way that I was important to him. I've finally come to terms with the fact that he will not in any way treat me like we ever meant anything to each other, so now I want my money. It would have been fun to shame him but the money will actually be more useful. I can sing in church if I want fun.
Wednesday, April 12: Called Dennis to get his address for the small claims paperwork. I plan to go to court on Friday, since I have the day off. Told him I would have the summons served to him at work if he didn't call me back. When he emailed me to say that he would bring me a check on Saturday or Sunday, I returned his call to say that since he had a history of making promises just big enough to keep me from going through with whatever I had promised, he needed to make the effort to get the check to me before Friday. Sent an email to that same effect but much angrier, hitting the "send" button as the phone was ringing. He agreed to meet me at the restaurant where my roommate works with the check on Friday morning. I've gone ahead and planned like I'm going to court anyway, just in case. I am astonished at how angry I am at him. I was so busy grieving and forgiving, there wasn't time to be this angry. I'm working it out, though. Paige took me on a long walk last night that culminated in a chocolate malt from Margie's Candies. The tremors of rage were exhausted out of me.
That's it, in a nutshell. Lots of those days could have been entire posts, but I've been fairly exhausted at the end of each day. Fiction and my 1000 thread count sheets have been my balm of choice, which leaves little time for blogging. Wish me luck tomorrow morning.
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