A Bunch of Thoughts

My entire high school experience of being unattractive was repudiated this morning as I walked through my Hispanic neighborhood to go work out. According to several men in my neighborhood, I'm hot even in slouchy athletic-wear. As you may have deduced, I have found and signed up with a Curves that is a half of a mile away.

I'm a little nervous about starting work in an office on Monday. The expectations of me are so open-ended. Am I supposed to just start right in and figure out what needs to be done? Will someone guide me? And by guide me, I don't mean mentor me. I mean, will someone tell me specifically what I need to do. I'll figure out how to do it, but will someone give me a list of tasks or is it simply, "Go get us some more clients to use these resources"? Teaching and working retail are pretty well defined in terms of what's expected from me. "Make sure these kids know American Literature, especially Catcher in the Rye and Huckleberry Finn." "When someone walks in the door and asks for coffee, make them coffee." Like I said, I can figure out the details of how to do it and what to do with extra time in situations like that, but I have no idea about office work. Not a clue. I don't even know what time to show up. It's not like a bell is going to ring for when I'll be late.

I’m just a little disgusted with myself that I have abandoned my principles of re-use, non-materialism and anti-suburban life so quickly. I rushed right out and bought $150 worth of stuff from IKEA. I bought my first two sets of groceries while I was out in the suburbs visiting my mom. The third set came from Whole Foods, which I have to drive to, here in the city. Granted, the third time was a little of a bonding trip with Paige, my new roommate, but still, where is my idealism to walk everywhere? I have yet to step foot in one of the little local grocery stores or restaurants on my block.

I've had to defend my beliefs and my lifestyle a few times in the last week or so. As I bought my iBook from Lee, we talked a little bit about my blog and its religious overtones. He asked me to describe my beliefs and I had to stop and think of how to put it into a sentence. I said, "My Christianity is all about my relationship with Jesus and his commandment to love others. And you can't love someone when you judge them." I felt really comfrotable with that answer. I can say the words, "Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior" and mean it, but the unchurched tune you out when you start talking religious talk. (And unchurched doesn't mean anything other than that: someone that doesn't have experience with the traditional rituals of Christian churches.) Fellowship, light of Christ, the word witness, used as a verb: these are words and phrases that have no meaning to most of the people that I'm commanded to love. Isn't loving someone respecting that person enough to speak in language he can actually understand, rather than standing above him by participating a linguistic club where he can't get in the front door of what I'm saying because he doesn't have a decoder ring? The same goes for my lifestyle choices of drinking and swearing. I don't feel a need to conform to behavior standards that identify me with traditional Christians. There are a lot of instructions in the Bible that this society selectively ignores. Do not wear a garment of two fibers woven together, for example. Hell, even Wheaton College kids can dance, drink and smoke now. I make my own choices based on my conversations with God and based on Christ's commandment to love God and to love others. I figure those are like the Constitution of commandments; other scripture has to fall in line with one of those two commandments or it's not applicable in today's society and my life.

Finally, I've been knitting a little obsessively. I've made two tomato hats and I'm experimenting with an earflap hat.