Saturday, April 30, 2005

Alone With Myself (Ha ha, bad misanthropic poetry)

I’m having a pretty intense period of “alone time” right now. I’m not freaking out about some intense personal issue, which is sometimes the case when I hide in the house. I did call Mindy and leave a message to see if she wanted to do something tonight. (I haven’t heard from her yet even though I sang her a version of Barry Manilow’s “Mandy” with her name in it.) However, I’m not freaking out that she hasn’t called back which must meant that I’m not lonely. I’m just kind of quiet. I’m not really motivated to do anything but it’s not because I’m depressed or miss my mom or anything. In fact, I’m a little nervous that I’m about to go over the line to lazy. When does talking care of oneself become slacking? The house is a freaking mess. Only the lack of counter space and my possession of only four glasses have caused me to do any dishes lately. I am knitting like a crazy woman. If I didn’t have to wait on Netflix for each batch of episodes of The West Wing, those would all be consumed by now. However, I have only a little bit of my quilt top left to finish and I just can’t seem to clear the yarn off the ironing board and get back to it. Laziness is a definite possibility.

Maybe I’m in a transitional state. Summer isn’t here yet (it’s a huge season on the island with all sorts of connotations attached to the word) but the weather’s too nice for it to be considered winter. I don’t have much work but I’m facing reduced expenses when I move into Mindy’s so I’m not really worried about it. I have 40 hours of work set up for the summer. I got the job waiting tables at Doe Bay for $10 and hour plus tip share and I’ll be at Shearwater’s desk for “more than $9” most mornings. However, neither of those jobs have started yet. 40 hours seems like a death sentence. I worry a little that all of these things that I’ve been able to do this winter (working with Rhonda, quilting, writing and reading so much, etc) will be edged out if I am working full time. It’s a silly worry since I used to work 60 hours a week coaching speech and teaching English plus the time I spent grading endless stacks of papers. I think I’ll be fine. So, probably I’m in a transitional state and I should just enjoy the time on the couch knitting and listening to Tom Jones Live at Ceasar’s Palace.

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