An anecdote

Earlier today, I was hanging out with a group of about 10 people who have similar jobs that meets monthly to support each other.  It's a great group and over time we have really become close as we've shared our triumphs and our challenges.

One of the men was talking about something that has been hard on his wife and expressed how it didn't really bother him.  To us, he said disparagingly, "It's only 3 miles, pfff!"  Someone joked and said, "Did you say it that way to your wife?"  We all laughed, as the guy intended, but the speaker got a little serious and said, "I used to," which made us laugh even harder in recognition of our own stupid interpersonal mistakes of that nature.

He continued, "I just realized over time that what I wanted from my wife was intimacy and closeness. . . but then I say these stupid things that sabotage myself."

I really appreciate his perspective of being married 34 years.  The transformation he described was recent and ongoing.  He certainly expressed that he still sabotaged himself. 

But he's trying. 

Because what he wants from his wife is intimacy and closeness.

I like that.