Thursday, June 14, 2007

I'm in Hell!

Some of you may know that I'm a compulsive reader. If it has words and is anywhere within my field of vision, I'm reading it. I recently clapped out loud when I came across the phrase, "even the wafer of text on the cereal box."

So, I'm in Hilton Head with my family and I have my own room, queen sized bed and bathroom. However, I could give it all up soon just to give my eyes a rest. The family that owns this condo has seen fit to paper my bathroom with novelty wallpaper. Not the good kind of novelty wallpaper, with odd yellow cartoon ducks and people in yellow towels that seem to be on the verge of slipping off. No, this novelty wallpaper is a simply ivory background with a variety of aphorisms written in various fonts in black.

I love quotes. Good quotes.

However, because of this passion, bad quotes cause me physical pain.

This wallpaper is covered in bad quotes.

And I can't not read them.

Brushing my teeth, I read them.

Your ulcers aren't caused by what you're eatin' but by what's eatin' you.

Sitting on the toilet, I read them.

I'm not opinionated. I just tell it like it is.

Taking a shower, I read them.

Life is hard by the yard; but by the inch, life's a cinch!

Hanging my towel, I read them.

Old age isn't so bad . . . when you consider the alternative.

Retrieving my aloe vera, I read them.

Just about the time you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

I am in hell.

Pray for me.

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