I screwed up and it embarasses me.
I'm saying this clearly now because soon the story will change. I have been frantically thinking of ways to spin this when I have to tell people so that it will look intentional and wise-beyond-my-years and maybe a little godly. Soon, when I tell the story, I will use that more flattering perspective as I tell it so that people won't believe that I'm actually so broken as to screw up so royally.
Enough with the stalling, Rebecca. Out with it.
I took my attendance at the University of Chicago for granted and I missed the deadline to respond. I never told them that I wanted to spend the next two years of my life there. I didn't realize until last night that the deadline for responding was last Monday.
Actually, that last part is a lie. See, I'm already trying to spin it.
I have had a sneaking suspicion for the last several weeks that the deadline was coming up. But I told myself that there was no way that they would make the dealine the same day as Tax Day and that they would give folks at least a month after the Visit Day to respond. So, the truth is that I jsut didn't check my acceptance letter until last night because I was arrogant and lazy.
I'm not going to try to explain right now why I was so stupid. Like my friend who pointed out that he was getting A's in all of the classes of the degree program that he dropped out of, I will have a bright side that I point out if I have to tell people that I'm not attending in the fall, like I've told everyone that I will be.
Right now, I'm mortified with myself. Only by saying this publically in this venue will I have even a small chance of living in the truth when the consequences of my hubris shake out. I keep proclaiming that all I want in this life is to surround myself with people that will respect me enough to look me in the eyes and tell me truth, even if I'm not going to like it. So, I need to do that with myself. Ugh. Even getting all up on my high horse to describe the need for this post feels like I'm spinning something to make myself look better.
I screwed up and it embarasses me. Leave it at that.
Wipe your forehead in relief, everything is going to be OK. Since I gave them a check last year when I deferred to this year, all I needed to do was give them a verbal confirmation over the phone this morning. Whew! Is this where I get to make the all-about-the-bejamins-baby joke?
in the garden - Thank you for your kindness in response to our sad news yesterday! It meant so much to hear such encouraging and gentle words, certainly helping in the hea...